Lola had an allergy visit this afternoon with her skin doctor. We don't usually see Lola's allergy doctor regularly. She takes allergy injections weekly that D gives her on his own. Whenever we need a refill of the serum and steroid medication for Lola, then we need to go in to visit the doctor herself which is maybe twice a year. The last time I went in to see her was in September when I was noticeably pregnant...so today 8 months later we roll on in. The moment she walked in the exam room she said didn't you two just have a baby?
D stood there not knowing what to say. Bless him. He hasn't had to answer this question on a regular basis since everyone at his job or that comes and goes in his regular day already knows that we lost Aven in October but me on the other hand, I face this question on a pretty regular basis. I said yes, we did have a baby but she didn't live. The doctor immediately apologized and said she shouldn't have asked and I immediately said it was okay almost as if I was comforting her. It is not an answer that you hear regularly so I can see how she was caught off guard. I felt bad for her. I feel bad for most people when they ask me that question because I know I am not going to lie to them. I know D hasn't been faced with the question much but I could tell from his pause that he wasn't going to lie to her either.
One of us was going to have to tell her about Aven and since I have had so much practice at it, it was me. I really did push a fully formed tiny baby girl out of my body, whose lungs were just not ready to breathe and function on their own. This really did happen to us. To me. To D. To Aven.
On our car ride home D mentioned to me that I handled that situation well. I guess he is right. I could have lost my crap when the doctor asked us about our baby or I could have told it like it was. I told it like it was.
Just another day in the lives of parents missing a piece of their heart.
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