Just for Aven...

When Aven died, we had the most amazing support system around. I can't even begin to express how grateful we were and still are for the love and support we had and still have from friends and family. Our house was showered with flowers and plants that continued to arrive for days. We had friends arrive with food and sustenance because at that time the last thing we were thinking was that we needed to go buy groceries. We received gift cards for restaurants, cards with words of comfort and gifts in remembrance of Aven. Now that the shock has worn off I am able to fully see just how much love we have around us. I won't ever be able to come up with the words to express just how thankful we are.

 

My mother is the most amazing woman I know. She is strong, patient, understanding, loving and kind. She was the rock when we needed her to be. She called the funeral home for us, she picked up the death certificate, and she gave me a beautiful remembrance necklace that I will cherish forever. She still holds my hand and hugs me when I cry. If she could take my pain and heartache away, I know she would. On Valentine's Day she mailed a Valentine card for each of us, for D, for Lola, for myself and for Aven. I can't explain the joy I had the moment I saw the little Valentine for Aven. I know Aven watches over her yaya just as much as she watches over me and D. It makes my heart happy to know that me and D aren't the only ones that think of her.

 

My uncle designed and landscaped a garden in our backyard. He created the Aven Lucia Peace Garden in honor of her life and for me and D so that we would have a place to sit and think about her and relax. He laid down stone, dug soil and planted for a couple of days. D helped some but it was mostly my uncle's project for us. He carefully picked out bushes and flowers for Aven's garden. He selected pretty purple girl flowers that bloom the month of her birth, October. He gave us an angel that we placed in the garden next to the flowers and he laid out a bench right in the middle of the purple sage bushes. It is lovely and one of the greatest gifts anyone has ever given us. Friday I noticed 2 doves sitting under the bench next to the little angel. I smiled. I don't know what it is about nature but I always feel closer to Aven when I am outside with the wind in my hair and sun in my eyes. I guess it is just a reminder that God is still here and that he can hear me.

 

I know no matter how many tears fall or how many times I need to be reminded that things will get better, my mother, my uncle, D and the rest of our family will be there. I heard a song the other day on the radio called I Won't Let Go and the words resonated...and even days later it is still with me...

 

 

It's like a storm
That cuts a path
It breaks your will
It feels like that
You think you're lost
But you're not lost on your own,
You're not alone

I will stand by you,
I will help you through
When you've done all you can do
and you can't cope
I will dry your eyes,
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
and I won't let go

It hurts my heart to see you cry
I know its dark this part of life
Oh it find us all and we're to small
to stop the rain
Oh but when it rains

I will stand by you,
I will help you through
When you've done all you can do
and you can't cope
I will dry your eyes,
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
and I won't let you fall

Don't be afraid to fall
I'm right here to catch you
I won't let you down
It won't get you down
You're gonna make it
I know you can make it

I Won't Let Go by Rascal Flatts