Tuesday, August 30, 2011

10 months

Dear Aven,

I have spent the last three days in tears. I can't really say why the extra tears lately. Yesterday, the hospital nurses sent another letter. I started crying before I even opened the envelope. It was a sweet note for us to remind us they haven't forgotten about you or us. I was touched they remembered your name but sad, sad that after 10 months my heart hurts just as much as it did the day you were born. I try my best to focus on the positive but that only lasts for a little while before a memory pops into my head.

Today I had a visit with my eye doctor. The last time I saw him was July 1, 2010. I knew he was going to ask how my pregnancy test turned out since that is where I was when I saw him last, waiting for July 9th to hurry up so I could see if we were going to have a baby. I had to tell him yes, we had a baby only she died. I am pretty sure NOW everyone knows and now I don't have to dread someone asking me about how that whole pregnancy thing turned out.

Maybe that is why there are so many more tears... Or maybe it is that your birthday is soon. Seeing Halloween ads makes me want to hide but the triggers are everywhere...I can't avoid them even if I tried.

I miss you still...



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