Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Fifty nine...

59 days until Aven's birthday! I have had several people ask me what my plan is for the day. They wonder if I am going to light a candle or take the day for just me and D or just sit and cry. I will do all of the above. I am going to celebrate Aven's little life no matter how short it was. My plan changes daily but one thing that WILL happen is the tears. No matter what plan me and D make that day, tears WILL be involved. How could they not? 

As of today, I want to have a dinner at one of my favorite restaurants with the people that get it. I want a cake with Aven's name and I want to make a toast in her honor. I want to remember the day she was born every year and just because she isn't living doesn't mean she didn't exist.

I am trying to prepare myself to have hurt feelings because I know there are some that don't understand why I still cry, still grieve, still talk about her. For those, well they won't be invited and I am sorry that my grieving is impacting their life so much so that they have to say it and... Even to those that don't.

I had Aven. She is my daughter. She will always be my daughter... And I will always love her, celebrate her, remember her and talk about her. If that bothers you, I can't help you... I won't alter my grief for you just to make you comfortable.


  1. Hi April,

    Just wanted you to know that I was thinking about you. I appreciate your honesty and am here for you if you need to talk/cry/vent/drink wine. :)

    Kristine (from the F2F group)

  2. Sounds like a perfect way to celebrate Aven's birthday. Thinking of you!