Surviving you...

Dear Aven,

I managed to survive my first Mother's Day without you. I had a lovely day with grandma Yaya. We managed to laugh a whole lot but we also did a little crying. Grandma misses you so and she thinks of you often. I woke up in a terrible mood but by the end of the day, I couldn't help but be grateful for all that I have at this very moment. I made my usual trip to Starbucks for my usual latte. I have been buying random orders for people for a few weeks now, mostly to pass on an act of kindness but also to hopefully make someone else's day a little better.

Yesterday, with it being Mother's Day, I made it a mission to do something nice for someone with you in mind, only this time I was armed with a little card that I ordered that has your name on it, along with your birthday. I pulled into Starbucks hoping someone would order after me so that I could accomplish the mission I set out to do on the day that celebrates who I am now, your mother. I wanted to let a stranger know that I was your mommy and that I was thinking about you. I was thrilled when a man pulled up behind my car in the drive thru. He had his young daughter in the car with him and I could tell they were ordering coffee and sweets for mom. Two Venti Black coffees and three scones, the man ordered. I am most certain the 6 year old girl with bows in her hair was not drinking coffee and if she was, well Lord help her daddy.  :)  I paid for my order and theirs and gave the Starbucks person at the window my little card with your name on it. I asked him to give it to the man that ordered the two coffee's. He looked at me, read the card and smiled and said absolutely! I drove away before I could see the man's face but I hope that he stopped for a second to smile, to be happy for what he has in his life and to maybe remember that there is a baby girl named Aven, that has a mommy that misses her so.

Daddy bought me a beautiful bracelet with three charms on it. A heart that represents our love for you, roses to represent your garden and your birthstone. Each Mother's Day that passes, we will buy a new charm that reminds us of you. Your dad told me that you will always know how much we love you and even though you are far away, you love us back just the same. I know he is right. It still stuns me a little each time I am faced with how life is now. I wish things were different and I wish you were here but I know for whatever reason that is beyond my comprehension, you were needed in heaven. Maybe one day I will understand. Until then, I will continue missing you...and continue surviving you as best I can. You are my heart.

Love always,

Mom