Sunday, May 8, 2011

What Makes a Mother...

I had a lovely day yesterday with D and my family. D and I went for a long walk by the lake with our dog. The weather was really nice before scalding set in about 2PM. While running along the lake I saw a fish jump out of the water. I have no idea why nature amazes me so, more now than it ever did. I sort of feel like it is a little reminder that God is still with me even on days when I feel my will is broken far beyond repair. I had the opportunity to go to mass and dinner with my grandmother, mother and immediate family. I wasn't sure how I was going to feel while sitting in mass because it was the Mother's Day mass. When the priest asked all of the mothers to stand up to receive a blessing, I could feel the hot tears at the back of my eyes. I stood up but it was a bittersweet stand up. I missed Aven so much in that moment. I am trying to not have expectations of today because Mother's Day will never live up to the way I want it to be.

I went through a tough labor. My daughter was born into this world with D standing by my side holding my hand. Even though her heart stopped beating before I delivered her, she will always be my daughter.

I am Aven's mother.
I will always be Aven's mother.

What Makes a Mother

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today.
I asked “what makes a mother?”
And I know I heard him say…

“A mother has a baby”
This we know is true
“But God, can you be a mother
When your baby is not with you?”

“Yes, you can,” He replied
With confidence in His voice
“I give many women babies,
When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for the day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there’s no need to stay.”

“I just don’t understand this God,
I want my baby to be here.”
He took a deep breath and cleared His throat,
And then I saw the tear.

“I wish I could show you,
What your child is doing today
If you could see your child’s smile,
With all the other children and say…

“We go to earth to learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear.
My mommy loved me oh so much,
I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a mom,
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My mommy set me free.

I miss my mommy oh so much,
But I visit her everyday.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow is where I lay.

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear.
Mommy don’t be sad today
I am your baby, and I am here.”

“So you see my dear sweet ones,
Your children are okay.
Your babies are born here in My home,
And this is where they will stay.

They will wait for you with Me,
Until your lessons are through.
And on the day that you come Home
They will be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother,
It is the feeling in your heart,
It is the love you had so much of,
Right from the very start.

Though some on earth might not realize
You are a Mother
Until their time is done.
They will be up here with Me one day
And know that you are the best one.”
author unknown

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