Slowly Healing...

After Aven, I didn't believe that I would ever have a day where I felt better or that I would ever experience joy again. I really thought that after we lost Aven that every day that passed would be a sad and dreary one. I couldn't see outside of my grief early on. The first few months after I delivered Aven, I used to ask D just about every day if I was going to be okay and if things were going to be okay. I didn't feel life was going to be okay. I didn't feel I was going to be okay. Every time I asked him, he always responded the same. He always reassured me that I would be happy again one day and that I really was going to be just fine. People told me that it would get better. Others that experienced this sort of pain promised me it would eventually get better and that the pain would always be there but not as raw as in the beginning. I can now say that they were right. I am starting to believe them. I still have my moments where it feels like it just happened yesterday but I also have my moments where I look back and know that I am healing. It is happening slowly but I know it is happening. It may take me years to get there and I may never really get there but I am okay with that. I really do smile now because I am happy. I am still amazed when I catch myself laughing or smiling because at one point I never thought I was going to laugh and smile again.       

Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it. ~ Groucho Marx