Thursday, February 17, 2011

The Path...

Before we started on this path, I had no idea what sorrow and grief was. I thought I knew but now that it surrounds me I realize how much I really didn’t know.   It is extremely exhausting.   It feels like I am treading water nonstop and I have been for almost 4 months.  Every once in a while I am able to take a break and breathe and then it is right back to treading water, to hanging on, to barely keeping my head above water, to trying to breathe. 
Since Aven, I have met and become close to several women that have been on this path before me.  They know what the view looks like from my window. They know how easily the tears fall even when you will them away. They know the dreams that haunt you. They know that a broken heart isn’t just an expression of words anymore; it is a real physical pain. They know what it feels like to have your future vanish in an instant without warning.  They know what it is like to fake happiness throughout the day for the sake of others. They know how lonely this road is and even if you have a million people around you it still doesn’t take the void away.  I am walking in their shoes.  It is unfortunate that I met them under these circumstances but I am comforted to have found them. I am not alone in my sorrow. I am walking at their side. I don’t have to explain to them why I still cry. I don’t have to explain the waves of sadness that arise at random times of the day, random instances at random reminders.  They just know.  They were here before me. Unfortunately, there will be women on this path after me...
Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day. ~ Winnie the Pooh

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