If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you...Winnie the Pooh
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
I knew anger was going go rear its ugly head again at some point and today it is here. I woke up angry. I am angry that I am not in labor right now. I am angry that I went through a very emotional, long, expensive IVF journey only to have a broken heart in the end. I am angry that my close friends are on a great journey to motherhood and God willing will have healthy babies and I can't enjoy their pregnancies with them as I would like because it hurts me too much. I am angry that I will always have two scars on my wrists from the hospital IV and that when I see them I will always remember that the scar on my right wrist was from the rescue attempt to save Aven and the scar on my left wrist was when we lost her. I am so very angry and I have no one to be angry at and no one to blame. Life just plain sucks sometimes. I realize being angry will get me no where and most days I can stifle it and convince myself that life is bound to turn around and be wonderful again but today is not one of those days.
Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life
and repeat to yourself, the most comforting words of all;