Monday, March 14, 2011

Aven in Florida

Yesterday was a whirlwind of a day for me emotionally. D was finally able to meet the group of girls that have been my support through this craziness that is now my life. Even though he didn't say much amongst the girl talk, it made me feel great to have him there listening in on what we talk about. I ramble to D about anything and everything these days and I hope that after listening to the others rambles that he gets a glimpse into their lives and gets to know them the way I do. Those girls, whether they know it or not, have been a lifeline for me even though I only see them every other week. They are strong, brilliant, brave women who are learning to walk their own new normal and I am blessed to have them here as we all learn to walk this shaky road together.

After leaving the group of girls we had a couple photo session. One of our dear friends nominated our love story into a contest and we surprisingly won. The photographer was absolutely awesome. She traveled around the town with us photographing what I am sure to be fantastic images and ones that I will hold dear to my heart forever, our first family portrait. Even though Aven wasn't physically there for us to hold, she was still there. The necklace I wore during the photo session has some of Aven's ashes in it. For some that may sound morbid but I don't care. For me, it is comforting that where I go, she goes. Sitting on a cliff by the 360 bridge overlooking the lake with the sun setting and the wind blowing, and the Laurel trees blooming purple flowers, yes she was there. It was bittersweet but amazing.

Finally, before going to bed, my sister sent me a picture. She said she was walking along the beach and while there she thought of Aven. I hadn't expected for Aven to be in Florida and it made me so incredibly happy that she was. I know for some it may seem odd that I would want her name everywhere but this is my grief journey and I have found it healing in some way and proud. Proud that by my talking about her and writing about her that others think and write about her too. I am still her mother and I am proud of that.  I hope Aven travels everywhere. In less than a month, Aven will be in Germany! Thanks Ash, I can't even begin to tell you how much your words and picture touched mine and D's hearts.

Aven in Florida
Photo taken by Aven's Aunt, Ash

1 comment:

  1. I think that when the men join us, they may not say much but they learn SO MUCH about "our side" of things... I think it also allows them to take a little time to do something specifically FOR our babies, something they probably don't feel comfortable doing on their own for the most part. <3 :huge hugs: I hate it that I know you, in a way, because it means both of our hearts have been broken, but I love being your friend through this journey. <3