Friday, March 11, 2011


19 weeks. It has been 19 weeks since our lives changed forever. 19 weeks since I left the hospital empty handed. 19 weeks means the end is coming near. Next Friday will mark the 20 week mark since I delivered Aven. The rest of the race is still going and next Friday everyone will have crossed the finish line but me and Aven. I am not sure if I am more scared that my due date is coming, or relieved or sad or all of the above. I am not sure what to expect from March 18th. Every Friday that passed while I was pregnant was a milestone for us. Friday used to be a great day. It was another week into our pregnancy. Because we did IVF we knew exactly how many days and weeks I was and Friday was the magic day. Fridays now are dreary and hard. Each Friday that passes now is another day further from Aven. She was born on a Friday. On the exact 20 week day of my pregnancy. This is the last Friday before my due date. What happens after I pass Aven's due date? When will I stop counting the days in week format? Before I got pregnant with Aven I never counted the weeks. Every Friday that passes now, will I always count how long it has been or how much time has passed since my heart shattered? Friday will never be the same to me again. It was once the happiest day of the week for me and now on the very opposite end of the spectrum, it is the saddest day of the week for me.

The struggle of life is one of our greatest blessings. It makes us patient, sensitive, and Godlike.
It teaches us that although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.
~ Helen Keller

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